i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the day after is always just damage control
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Found the puke drawer
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
