last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize