Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
