She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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