I wannas sexs uuuuu
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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