i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
