Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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