And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
