oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
