the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
