I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize