Your dad touched me again.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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