I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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