White coat. Heels.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
