Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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