im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
