Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm too high and old for this...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
