I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize