but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Randomize
