she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
