yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
