Hey man sorry I got all grabby
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Randomize
