Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
