Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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