I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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