I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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