is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
