so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
