Pants 0. Shit 1.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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