Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
