Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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