I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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