he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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