i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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