Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
