omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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