Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
