508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
