Can Purell be used as lube?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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