I look better un-naked...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize