he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
