I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
