You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
