ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
don't judge my taste in strippers
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
