Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
