Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
