You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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