Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
