Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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