I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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