My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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