I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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