If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
