he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
