Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize