I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
