We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
