When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
