did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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