this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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