I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
