sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
