do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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