There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
COCAINE IS GR8
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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