Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
