ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
