i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
