we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
