Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Damn victory sex feels great
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
