oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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