Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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