Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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