So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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