he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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