Are we in a gay sports bar?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
