If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
