Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
