ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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