so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
