it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
