I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
