i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
