We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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