hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
no. you can't hotbox the world.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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