I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
