His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
