Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
