My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
