Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
