How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
