TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
