she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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