I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
