I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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