Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
