Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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