You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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