i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize